Is it fair? No, but what does fair even mean these days? It's not like it happened to you on purpose, so who is there to blame? Things just happen, with or without any reason. You roll with the punches. You always said to us, "Well, if you don't laugh, you'll cry!" You should know, you're the strongest person I know.
From 12 lesions in your brain, to 42 lesions, in a period of 2 months, that's hard to swallow. I can't even begin to fathom the reality of knowing any day could be your last. So I don't think about it...because when I consider it, it's too much to even begin to take in. But I know it can happen at any time. Am I scared? Yes...but I have a hard time expressing that to anyone, including myself. I just don't like unloading my problems to everyone. I'm not prideful, I'm absolutely certain I'm human. I just don't want to let myself become weak and vulnerable to the pain that could cause. I'd rather stay on solid ground.
How imprisoning it must be, being in a circumstance where you're reluctant to plan ahead because you never know when this disease will take a turn. How do you do it? We've all shed so many tears, and been overcome with worry. I'm so proud of us. We've built a strong fort. Going back to when I was 16...I remember how difficult it was and has been throughout the years, and I'm amazed by you. I admire your courage and bravery. In the midst of our world crumbling down, we still held on to your promises.
You're my world, my mom, and I don't think I could do it without you. I know you feel like you're a burden on our lives because we had to grow up so fast and face the real world and the realities it brings, but you're not. You're our hero. You're a superwoman. It's not your fault. Am I mad at God? No, of course not. I'm not mad at anyone.
I'm grateful. Grateful that I truly know the gift of everyday. Grateful that I have you all in my life...My wonderful family. Do I think we've had a misfortunate life because of all your illnesses? No. I feel like we've been given the chance to be made strong and able to face anything. You empower us. You make us brave. You make us wise. In the midst of your most disheartening battles, you give to us. You give to us what you don't even know you have within yourself. You give to us without even knowing you're doing it. You're not a burden and you're not weak. You're a blessing and you're the most courageous person in the world to me. I love you always.